So I have been trying to do some thinking about why I eat for comfort. Trying to think back to the first time I ate to satiate my feelings instead of hunger and I honestly can not remember. I have been racking my brain for almost a week and can not pinpoint that at all. But one thought has kept coming back to me.
Selfishness.
No matter the reason it began, to continue is selfish. I think I am a good wife and good mother, but I look at my husband and my children and think, good is not good enough. I want to be the Best wife and the best mother I can possibly be and I am not that right now. I am not able to do all the things that would make my good marriage, amazing, or all the things that I could do with or for my children that I could if I would make more selfless choices. You always hear the experts say that you can only succeed when you are doing it for yourself first. Now don't get me wrong when I say what I am about to, I think you do need to care about yourself enough to change behaviours; but to say it is for you only or even first is a selfish mindset. I truly believe that it was a selfish, self indulging, and even self pitying attitude that got me here in the first place in this area of my life. I hope that those around me would not say that this mind set carries over into the other areas of my life, but it is clearly the ruling attitude in this part of my life.
Going forward I am trying to remember my husband and children and the other people in my life, and pray for the strength only God can give to help me to remember to make the unselfish choice when it comes to my food choices. I will fail, I am human, But with God's grace and perseverance I will make more and more selfless choices and become the wife my husband deserves, the mother my children deserve, and most of all the woman that God wants me to be so that I can serve Him in every way that he honors me by giving me the chance.
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