Shopping

So yesterday I went shopping to get some new cloths for a trip on the weekend.  All my others are getting to big.  So I used to wear a 5 or 6x in the plus size section or a 30-32.  I know now that I am a solid 28 or a 4x.  Sometimes even a 26.  I know that in my head.  But each time I went picked up something at the store to go into the fitting room I would pull the 4x but could not make myself go in without grabbing a 5x to "just in case".  Of course the 5's were to big and that felt great. But I wonder if I will ever get used to the idea of a smaller size.  By summer I hope to be a size or 2 smaller and that will be wonderful but also I think it will be hard , in a good way, to take just the smaller size into the fitting room.  This is not in anyway a complaint or a bad part of the weight loss.  Just a commentary on what happened yesterday.  It was kinda cool.

Crossing the line

Today I crossed a line.  A line I have not been across in a very long time. Probably over 10 years.  Today when I got on the scale I was 298.  I Know that sounds like (and is) a really high weight but for some one who just 8 months ago weighed 390 that is a big accomplishment.  I have lost like a 5 grader. So my next short term goal is to get 100 off.  That is only 8 lbs away now.  That is very exciting but I am going to take a little while to enjoy the victory of this accomplishment.

So after some research I have found that each lb of fat contains approximately 1 mile of blood vessels.  That means my heart has 92 less miles that it has to pump my blood through.  I found that your blood does a full trip through your body like every 5 minutes...that means that in a day my heart pumps my blood 26208 miles less in a day than in did 8 months ago.  I have really not been kind to my heart.  I hope that it will forgive me and keep on pumping for many years to come.

Fear of the Scale

So the last time I got weights I was 301.  That is very very close to a significant bench mark.  I get weighed on Tuesday.  I am waiting till Tuesday because I am going shopping that day for some new things and I want to know exactly what I weigh when I do and I am making myself only get weighed once a week.  The reason that I am doing that is because if I am not down each and every time I get weighed I get very discouraged and it usually throws the diet into a tailspin for a few days.  Sundays is usually my day but this week I am waiting till Tuesday for 2 reasons.  I really do want to know what I weigh when I get my new cloths but really I am terrified.  I am terrified that I am not going to be under that 300 mark and I am going to be really discouraged.I have been working really hard this last week but I am still afraid.  The scale does not always care about how hard you have been working.  But at the same time I really know I have been doing well so a part of me can't wait to get on the scale and not see a 3 in front on my weight for the first time in about 10 years.  Which makes me even more afraid because if I don't get there it could really send me into a tailspin because my hopes are so high.

 So where does this leave me.  I am not sure.  I guess I need to try to remember that no matter the number that all this work means that my body is getting healthier in other ways.  My lungs and heart are getting stronger.  My muscles are getting stronger.  My body systems are working more efficiently.  So I need to try to remember that it is not all for nothing if the numbers don't reflect the work every time I get on the scale. 

All that said... here's hoping for good things on the scale on Tuesday.